Ephesians 5:33 closes one of the most debated marriage passages in the New Testament with a sentence nobody argues about, and almost nobody practices consistently.
Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Paul placed love and respect side by side as if they carried equal structural weight, because in a marriage, they do.
Love without respect becomes patronizing. Respect without love becomes cold.
The marriage that has both can survive what the marriage missing either one cannot.
A lot of couples read Ephesians 5 and immediately start a debate about submission and headship while skipping past the part about mutual honoring, self-sacrifice, and the comparison to Christ’s relationship with the church.
The entire passage describes two people oriented toward each other’s good rather than toward their own interests.
When both partners operate that way, the question of who is leading and who is following becomes a conversation between two people who have already decided to put the other person first.
Mutual Honor Between Husband and Wife
1. The Equal Weight of Love and Respect
“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Ephesians 5:33, King James Version (KJV)
2. Submission as a Two-Way Starting Point
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21, New International Version (NIV)
3. The Husband’s Body Belongs to Both Partners
“The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:4, New International Version (NIV)
4. What a Husband’s Sacrificial Love Looks Like
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25, New American Standard Bible (NASB)
5. Living Together With Understanding and Honor
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” 1 Peter 3:7, English Standard Version (ESV)
The Original Design for Marriage
6. One Flesh From Two Separate Lives
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24, English Standard Version (ESV)
7. A Helper Who Completes Rather Than Serves
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’” Genesis 2:18, Christian Standard Bible (CSB)
8. What God Joined Should Stay Joined
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no one must separate.” Matthew 19:6, New King James Version (NKJV)
9. The Sacred Status of the Marriage Bed
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Hebrews 13:4, New International Version (NIV)
10. A Three-Strand Partnership That Holds
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12, New International Version (NIV)
How Respect Shows Up in Daily Behavior
11. Words That Build Rather Than Demolish
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29, English Standard Version (ESV)
12. The Patience That Genuine Love Requires
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1 Corinthians 13:4, New International Version (NIV)
13. Choosing Gentleness Over the Need to Win
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1, New Living Translation (NLT)
14. Refusing to Keep Score
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5, New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
15. Compassion and Forgiveness as Standard Practice
“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32, Revised Standard Version (RSV)
Respecting Your Spouse When It Is Difficult
16. Anger That Does Not Get Permission to Stay Overnight
“Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry.” Ephesians 4:26, The Message (MSG)
17. Peacekeeping as a Personal Responsibility
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Romans 12:18, English Standard Version (ESV)
18. Speed in Listening Versus Speed in Speaking
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters. Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” James 1:19, New Living Translation (NLT)
19. The Wisdom to Overlook an Offense
“Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his glory and honor to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment].” Proverbs 19:11, Amplified Bible (AMP)
20. Putting Your Spouse Ahead of Yourself
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Philippians 2:3, New International Version (NIV)
A Marriage That Reflects God’s Character
21. Love That Covers What Contempt Would Expose
“Above all, have fervent love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8, New King James Version (NKJV)
22. Unity as a Witness to the Watching World
“Make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.” Philippians 2:2, New American Bible, Revised Edition (NABRE)
23. What Happens When Both Partners Pursue Wisdom
“The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22, Good News Translation (GNT)
24. A Consistent Character Regardless of Mood
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” Proverbs 31:10–11, New English Translation (NET Bible)
25. The Marriage Built on Reliable Ground
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” Matthew 7:24, English Standard Version (ESV)
The Reward of a Marriage Built on Mutual Respect
26. Blessed Are the Peacemakers Inside Their Own Home
“Happy are those who work for peace; God will call them his children!” Matthew 5:9, Common English Bible (CEB)
27. The Goodness of Dwelling Together With Honor
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” Psalm 133:1, King James Version (KJV)
Respect in Marriage Is Decided at 7 a.m. on a Thursday, Not at the Wedding Ceremony
The ceremony is where you promised it. The kitchen on a random weekday morning is where you prove it.
Respect in marriage is not a feeling you summon during the highlight moments.
It is a decision you make when your spouse has left dishes in the sink for the third consecutive night, when the conversation about finances went sideways again, when the thing you asked them to do two weeks ago is still sitting undone.
First Peter 3:7 says husbands should live with their wives in an understanding way and show them honor. The phrase in an understanding way implies effort.
Understanding does not happen automatically after five years of sharing a bed. It requires study. It requires attention. It requires the willingness to learn how your spouse experiences respect and then deliver it in that specific language rather than the one that comes naturally to you.
Philippians 2:3 says value others above yourselves.
In the context of marriage, others means the person sleeping next to you.
The one who knows where all the cracks are because they have watched them form.
What People Ask About Respect in Marriage
What does the Bible say about respect in marriage?
Ephesians 5:33 commands husbands to love and wives to respect. First Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to honor wives as fellow heirs of grace. Ephesians 5:21 commands mutual submission out of reverence for Christ. The Bible treats respect as a structural requirement for both spouses, not an optional emotional response offered when the other person earns it.
Does the Bible say only wives should respect their husbands?
Ephesians 5:33 specifically instructs wives to respect husbands, but Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love sacrificially, which inherently includes respect. First Peter 3:7 commands husbands to show honor to their wives. Philippians 2:3 tells all believers to value others above themselves. Mutual respect is the biblical norm for every relationship, including marriage.
How can I show respect to my spouse according to the Bible?
Ephesians 4:29 says speak only what builds up. James 1:19 says listen quickly and speak slowly. Proverbs 19:11 says overlook offenses. Philippians 2:3 says put them above yourself. First Corinthians 13:4–5 defines love’s practical behaviors. Showing respect means choosing honoring speech, patient listening, consistent forgiveness, and daily prioritization of your spouse’s wellbeing.
What happens when there is no respect in a marriage?
Proverbs 14:1 says a wise woman builds her home while a foolish one tears it down. Proverbs 21:9 compares living with a quarrelsome spouse to living on a rooftop corner. First Peter 3:7 warns that dishonoring your spouse hinders your prayers. Disrespect erodes trust, intimacy, and spiritual vitality and eventually dismantles the relational foundation the marriage requires.
Can a marriage survive without respect?
Proverbs 12:4 says a wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. Ephesians 5:33 commands respect as a nonnegotiable alongside love. A marriage without respect may continue legally but will struggle to function as the intimate partnership Scripture describes. Respect can be rebuilt through repentance, counseling, and sustained effort.
God, Teach Both of Us to Carry the Respect This Marriage Requires
Father, Ephesians 5:33 placed love and respect side by side as if neither could stand alone, and I have been offering one while neglecting the other. Show me which one I have been shortchanging and give me the honesty to admit it.
Where First Peter 3:7 says honor your spouse as a fellow heir of grace, let that phrase reshape how I speak during the arguments, how I respond during the silences, and how I show up on the ordinary mornings when nobody is grading the performance.
And where Philippians 2:3 says to value others above yourself, let me practice that first with the person closest to me, because the respect I offer at home is the truest measure of the respect I claim to carry everywhere else.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.