A grudge is a debt you refuse to cancel.
The person who wronged you owes something. An apology, an acknowledgment, a consequence, a repayment of some kind.
And the grudge is the internal record you maintain of that unpaid debt, reviewed regularly, updated with interest, and held open indefinitely because closing it would mean releasing someone from an obligation you believe they still owe.
Ephesians 4:31–32 says Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, and be kind to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. The “just as” is the part that makes the instruction uncomfortable.
God forgave you a debt you could never repay. The grudge you are holding is almost certainly smaller than the one he released.
Matthew 18:21–35 tells the story of a servant who was forgiven a debt so massive it was unpayable, the equivalent of millions, and then immediately went out and seized a fellow servant who owed him a fraction of that amount.
The king’s response was severe: he handed the unforgiving servant over to the jailers until he paid everything he owed.
Jesus ended the parable with a warning: this is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.
The Direct Commands to Release It
1. Get Rid of All Bitterness, Rage, and Anger; Be Kind, Forgiving Each Other
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31–32, New International Version (NIV)
2. Bear With Each Other and Forgive One Another if Any of You Has a Grievance
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13, New International Version (NIV)
3. Do Not Seek Revenge or Bear a Grudge Against Anyone but Love Your Neighbor as Yourself
“Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18, King James Version (KJV)
4. If You Forgive Others Their Trespasses Your Heavenly Father Will Also Forgive You
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” Matthew 6:14, New International Version (NIV)
5. If You Do Not Forgive Others Their Sins, Your Father Will Not Forgive Your Sins
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15, New International Version (NIV)
The Parable That Makes the Cost Clear
6. Lord, How Many Times Shall I Forgive My Brother? Jesus Said Seventy Times Seven
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'” Matthew 18:21–22, New International Version (NIV)
7. The Servant Who Was Forgiven Much Refused to Forgive the One Who Owed Him Little
“But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.” Matthew 18:28, New International Version (NIV)
8. This Is How My Heavenly Father Will Treat Each of You Unless You Forgive From Your Heart
“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Matthew 18:35, New International Version (NIV)
What a Grudge Does to the Person Carrying It
9. See to It That No Root of Bitterness Springs Up and Causes Trouble
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:15, New International Version (NIV)
10. A Heart at Peace Gives Life to the Body, but Envy Rots the Bones
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Proverbs 14:30, New International Version (NIV)
11. Anger Is Cruel and Fury Overwhelming, but Who Can Stand Before Jealousy?
“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?” Proverbs 27:4, English Standard Version (ESV)
12. Do Not Let the Sun Go Down on Your Anger and Do Not Give the Devil a Foothold
“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26–27, New International Version (NIV)
13. Whoever Claims to Love God Yet Hates a Brother or Sister Is a Liar
“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” 1 John 4:20, New International Version (NIV)
How Grudges Affect Your Relationship With God
14. When You Stand Praying, If You Hold Anything Against Anyone, Forgive Them
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25, New International Version (NIV)
15. First Go and Be Reconciled to Your Brother Then Come and Offer Your Gift
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23–24, New International Version (NIV)
16. Blessed Are the Merciful for They Will Be Shown Mercy
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7, New International Version (NIV)
17. Judgment Is Without Mercy to One Who Has Shown No Mercy; Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment
“For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” James 2:13, English Standard Version (ESV)
What Forgiveness Looks Like in Practice
18. Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13:5, New International Version (NIV)
19. Do Not Repay Evil for Evil but Overcome Evil With Good
“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21, English Standard Version (ESV)
20. Bless Those Who Persecute You, Bless and Do Not Curse
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” Romans 12:14, New International Version (NIV)
21. Do Not Take Revenge, Leave Room for God’s Wrath
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Romans 12:19, New International Version (NIV)
22. Love Your Enemies, Do Good to Those Who Hate You
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” Luke 6:27, New International Version (NIV)
What God Has Done With the Grudge He Could Have Held Against You
23. As Far as the East Is From the West So Far Has He Removed Our Transgressions
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12, English Standard Version (ESV)
24. He Does Not Treat Us as Our Sins Deserve
“He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.” Psalm 103:10, New International Version (NIV)
25. I Will Remember Their Sins No More
“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12, New International Version (NIV)
26. God Was Reconciling the World to Himself in Christ, Not Counting People’s Sins Against Them
“That God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them.” 2 Corinthians 5:19, New International Version (NIV)
27. While We Were Still Sinners Christ Died for Us
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8, New International Version (NIV)
The Grudge Is Costing You More Than It Is Costing the Person You Are Holding It Against
Hebrews 12:15 calls bitterness a root, and the image is precise. Roots grow underground where no one can see them.
They spread slowly. They draw nutrients from the soil they occupy, which means whatever else was trying to grow in that soil receives less.
And by the time the root produces visible fruit above the surface, the underground system is extensive and difficult to remove.
The person carrying a grudge is often unaware of how much interior space it has occupied.
The resentment has become background noise, always present, coloring how they interpret new situations and new people. Proverbs 14:30 says a peaceful heart gives life to the body. The inverse is implied: the unpeaceful heart takes life from it.
Mark 11:25 connects the grudge directly to prayer. When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them. The if is the condition. The anything is comprehensive. The anyone leaves no exceptions. The forgiveness is not optional preparation for prayer. It is the prerequisite.
Romans 5:8 is the verse that removes the final excuse. God did not wait for you to deserve forgiveness before he offered it.
He acted while you were still in the middle of the offense. The grudge you are carrying against another person is a refusal to extend what you already received, and Jesus made it clear in Matthew 18:35 that the refusal has consequences.
Releasing the grudge does not mean the injury was acceptable. It means the debt is being transferred from the person who owes it to the God who handles all accounts.
What People Ask About Holding Grudges and the Bible
What does the Bible say about holding grudges?
Leviticus 19:18 directly forbids bearing a grudge. Ephesians 4:31–32 says to remove all bitterness and forgive as God forgave. Colossians 3:13 says forgive as the Lord forgave. Mark 11:25 says to forgive anyone you hold anything against when you pray. The Bible treats grudge-holding as a spiritual obstacle that damages the person carrying it and disrupts their relationship with God.
Is holding a grudge a sin according to the Bible?
Yes. Leviticus 19:18 prohibits it explicitly. First John 4:20 says the person who hates a brother while claiming to love God is a liar. Ephesians 4:26–27 says unresolved anger gives the devil a foothold. Matthew 6:14–15 ties God’s forgiveness of the believer to the believer’s forgiveness of others. Scripture treats the maintained grudge as a spiritual condition that requires repentance.
How do I let go of a grudge as a Christian?
Ephesians 4:32 says forgive as God in Christ forgave you, which locates the motivation in what you received rather than in the offender’s worthiness. Romans 12:19 says leave vengeance to God, which transfers the justice question from your jurisdiction to his. Mark 11:25 makes forgiveness a decision exercised in prayer. The practical path involves naming the grudge, choosing to release the debt, and bringing the decision to God rather than waiting to feel forgiving.
Can you forgive someone and still feel hurt?
Yes. Forgiveness is a decision about the debt. The pain is a response to the wound. Colossians 3:13 says to bear with one another, which acknowledges the ongoing difficulty. The decision to forgive does not instantly eliminate the emotional damage, but it stops the compounding of bitterness that Hebrews 12:15 warns about. The healing follows the decision. The decision does not require the healing to be complete first.
What did Jesus say about forgiving people who wronged you?
Matthew 18:21–22 says to forgive seventy-seven times, meaning without limit. Matthew 6:14–15 connects God’s forgiveness to yours. Luke 6:27 says love your enemies and do good to those who hate you. Matthew 18:35 says to forgive from the heart or face severe consequences. Jesus treated forgiveness as non-negotiable and unlimited, modeled after the forgiveness God extends to people who did not deserve it.
God, I Am Ready to Put Down What I Have Been Carrying Against This Person
Father, I want to bring before you the specific person and the specific offense I have been holding in the ledger, and release it today, not because they earned the release but because you released a larger debt when I could not pay it.
Let Ephesians 4:32 be the reason I let go: as God in Christ forgave me, which makes the forgiveness I owe proportionally small compared to what I received.
Where the root of bitterness has spread into places I have not noticed, pull it out, because Hebrews 12:15 says it defiles many, and I do not want the grudge to cost me more than it already has.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
